If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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