I just cut my nipple shaving
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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