You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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