Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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