Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i believe in u and ur pee
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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