I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
