my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
