i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize