So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
