watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
