STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize