I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
