I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
