i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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