We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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