i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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