Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
