I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
