so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize