my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
