new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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