Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
