Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
