I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
