stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
