I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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