It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
