I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
