do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
