So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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