No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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