Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
