just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
