There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
