I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
