you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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