I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
