im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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