hell yes lets make some ravioli
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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