so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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