I have demons in me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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