I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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