so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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