I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
