I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
