Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
