Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
