I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
