Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize