I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
