I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
