I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
