I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
