I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
