She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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