Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the condom got lost in my hair
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
