Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
