Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
