New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
