I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
