I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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