i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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