I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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