Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize