Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
