she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
