What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
