It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
