Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
