I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
