he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
