I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
