I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
